The COMPLETE BOOK of DWEEB

[APR]

The COMPLETE BOOK of DWEEB

The following saga was written by The Great Prophet and Sage APR, who beith so retarded as to only useth his initials when he joineth the forum. APR beith Adam P. Robinson who resideth in Maine.

Also many others, who be too Dweebish to mention, contributed to this Great Tomb over many months. I used their original quotes when at all possible so their names be forever enshrined in the Book of Dweeb

[APR]

The BOOK of DWEEB

Table of Contents

Book I ........ The Book of GENOCIDE
Book II ......... The Book of WAR
Book III ........ The Epistle of nOOb
Book IV ..........The Dweebs of EXPLOIT
Book V ......... The DWEEBs PRAYER and Random Sayings
Book VI .......... The Epistle of Sir Micheal of COON
Book VII .......... The Sayings of COON
Book VIII ......... The History of the DWEEB
Book IX ......... The Tale of the AUTOREFRESHER DWEEB
Book X ......... The Curse of the DWEEB
Book XI ......... The Great UPDATE
Book XII ......... The Saga of the INTERNET TROLL
Book XIII ......... The BLESSINGs of the DWEEB
Book XIV ......... The Epistle of St. GILDWARD
Book XV .......... The Sayings of GIL
Book XVI .......... A DARK CLOUD COMETH
Book XVII ........... The GREAT GOO FAMINE
Book XVIII ............ The BATTLE of ARMAGEDDON

ummmmm.......O Screw it, who beith counting along anyways

THE FINAL CHAPTER

The BOOK of

[APR]

The BOOK of DWEEB

The Book of Genocide

Verse One
In the beginning, there was the Dave. He createth the Yard, and it's many resources, and it was good. The most valuable of which was the Shiny. It held great power and was wonderous. Many partook thereof and became dweebs. Then, the Dave created the gatherers of many types, each to gather it's own resource, and it was good. But the dweebs were not content and became whiny. "Give us a means of stealing thy nieghbor's resources" they cried, for thy dweebs be greedy. And the Dave created the pokie, and it was good. But still thy dweebs were not content and became even more whiny. " Thy Pokie beith too slow and we demandith more." cryith the dweebs. So on the second day, the Dave created the Bolt.

Verse Two
Now the dweebs saw the Bolt and it's speed and it lusted foreth thy resources. And it was good. But dweebs never beith content and became whiny once more. "Dave !! my neighbor's came forth and tooketh my resources !!" cryeth the dweebs, "Give us a means of protecting thy precious resources and a means to smiteth thy neighbor's attacking hoarde". So on the third day, the Dave created the Snipe.

Verse Three
The Snipe being placed in thy yard to protect thy resources and soon cameth the great hoardes. The Snipe smiteth the pokies and the bolts until their number was zero and zero was their number. And many dweebs were defeated. "Tis not enough," cryeth the dweebs. "we needeth a beast to combat the great Snipe." So Dave created the Octo-ooze. And the dweebs saw this, and it was good and soon many Octo-oozes were seen in thy yard in great numbers. So the Dave created the cannon tower with wonderous splash and many creatures were slain. The cries of the dweeb were deafening and soon one dweeb could not be heard over the other, so one the fourth day, the Dave created the great forum.

Verse Four
And soon came forth many requests and demands from the dweebs, so the Dave sent forth some tablets for the dweebs to behold. Thus sayeth the tablets;


I. Thou shall not ask for free shiny
II. Thou shall not control thy monsters
III. Thou shall not rotate thine map
IV. Thou shall not demand thine updates
V. Thou shall not zoom
VI. Thou shall read the stickies and the forum rules
VII. Thou still shall not ask for free shiny
VIII. Thou shall include user I.D. when posting a bug
IX. Thou shall use 10 characters when posting
X. Thou shall search the forum so the same question is not asketh twice.

But the Dweebs listened not and soon thy forum was cluttered. Information becameth hard to find and there were many flame wars and insults. But still the Dweebs came.

Verse Five
The Dave sent forth many more monsters of different types, each more powerful than the next, and it was very good. And soon, also came buildings of many kinds and each haveth it's own function, and It was good. And the Dweebs cried, "When shall we be master's of thy yard? Why does thou create means to destroyeth us! We wish no harm befall our great bases but rather wish to destroy our neighbor's with ease!!" And for a time, the Dave was silent.

[APR]

The BOOK of DWEEB

The Book of WAR

Verse One
For a time, peace and happiness and death and carnage and destruction and group-hugging and much kissing of the Dave's nether regions were upon the land. For much beloved was thine yard and all things Shiny. But alas, as with all things Dweebish, it came to pass that MORE was requireth. "Yea," cryeth the Dweebs, "tho it is exceedingly good our many friends to killeth, yet may we only via modem rend them into little flaming bits. We demandeth more ways to destroy our neighbor"

Verse Two
Yet still no sign from the Dave, and the Dweebs became restless. Then, one day as the Dweebs tryeth to log in came an update, and the Dave hath spoken with the Great Laser. And soon came a great uproar amoungst the Dweebs.

Verse Three
"Great Dave, thine laser be too powerful. No monster can withstand it's mighty beam!!", cryeth the Dweebs. "Why hast thou forsaken us with this vile thing!" And the attacks became many, but few succeeded. For a time, even the lowest Dweeb had an powerful fortress to which no monster could penetrate. And in thine world of Facebook and the players of Farmville, and with those that would not attack if thier lives bepended on it, all was good.

Verse Four
But happy not were the attacker Dweebs. "Foul Dave, thou hast curseth us with this laser." , they cry. And many a Dweeb went to the Great Forum and many a rant they did post.

Verse Five
But the Dave listened, and considereth long on this, and, with many visions of renewed hate and holy new subscribers and drunken binges in their minds formeth him a plan. But, the Dave was silent. Many a Dweeb made threats to quit and said many a foul thing about the Laser. The post about the game being ruined were many. "No Fun ! No Fun !" they cried, and still the Dave was silent.

Verse Six
Then, as before, many a Dweeb tried to loggeth in, but could not. The great update was upon them. Greedily they waited with many a drool. Soon the page opened and behold the Catapult. A wonderous weapon that was a sight to behold, and many a Dweeb began immediately to construct one. Many Dweebs were not patient, and began to throw forth the precious Shiny so they could be the first to wield this weapon.

Verse Seven
Then came forth the rain of Twigs and Pebbles upon the Dweebs yard, and the Laser was made naught. Many a yard that had not yet been penetrated before fell to the onslaught of the mighty Catapult. Many a resource was looted and many a base be leveled, and for a time, the Mighty Dweeb was happy.

Verse Eight
Until the next time the Dweeb loggeth in and discovered that his own base be leveled. Suddenly the Catapult became evil and many a Dweeb was distraught. Then also noticed that thier Twigs and Pebbles were zero from the numerous flinging. And soon the Dweebs came forth to the Great Forum once more.

Verse Nine
And lo didst they shoveth many small children from their path, and many were the soccer moms that were vanquished that day, and great was the conflagration wreaketh by the belching and cursing Dweebs as they raceth to the Great Forum. "Cursed be the name of thine Catapult, thou vile creation" cried the Dweebs. "Why hast thou forsaken us again, O Dave?" Too great beith the power of the Catapult, and once again came the idle threats of quitting and claims that thine game be ruined. And all was sad in the land of Dweeb once again

[APR]

The BOOK of DWEEB

The Epistle of nOOb

For many art they who wouldst be Pros...And like all who are dweebish, questeth they for the forbidden tricks of the Pros. Nontheless wilt I pass unto thee the knowledge of the "Gods," knowing full well that thou art too dweebish to fully understandeth.

Verse One
Then came forth from the folds of the land of Facebook great swarms of Dweebs like locusts. They had been wandering in the wildreness of Frontierville and growing crops in Farmville and other such games which requireth no thought and was filled with mindless clicking. Curious were they when they saweth the image of the Great Bandito on the Wall of Ads, and accustomed as they be to clicking could not resist the urge to click upon him, which they did.

Verse Two
And Lo, they came upon the land of BYM. And The Dweebs looked about and saw many things to click upon, so they followed the Great Tutorial and learned the ways of the GUI. They pressed forth and clicked upon a great many things. And gatherers appeared and began to collect the hidden treasures of the land. And they were well pleased. Thus, they became the Dweebs of nOOb.

Verse Three
And finally endith the Tutorial. "Surely, we are no longer Dweebs, we must be Pros now !!." they cried. And the skies opened and a loud voice was heard ...and it sayeth, "Nay, Dweebs art thou still. There is much you still must learn to becometh Pros."

Verse Four
So the Dweebs toiled on, and many learneth the mysteries of the Goo, and of the Twig, Pebble, and Putty. And gather a great many things did they. Soon thier Silos became full. And proud they were of thier accomplishments and they were well pleased. "We must be Pros now, look at all we gathered." said they. But once again the voice came, and it sayeth, "Nay, Pros thou art not" And thus was born the Dweebs of Starter Protection.

Verse Five
So they hung their heads in shame, and learneth they to seek knowledge. Onward to the pages of Facebook went they to gain the knowledge held within. And knowledge they did find on the BYM page of Application. And back to the yards they did go. "We have learned much, Pros we must surely be !" But once again the voice sayeth, "Nay, Pros thou art not, thou Dweebs. The pages of Facebook are obsolete, Go thou to the Great Forum" Thus was born the Forum Dweebs.

Verse Six
And as Guests they read the threads of the Great Forum. And though many now believed that they were Dweebs no longer, none wouldst thus speak, for remembereth they the wrath of the voice. So they looked upon the Help Section of the Great Forum, and though they knew that humility was rewardeth by the Gods, yet was their joy so great that as one they proclaimed "Dweebs are we no longer, for we are readers of the Forum. Pros are our title now." "Fools", scolded the voice, "Thou hasn't even made an account, Nay, Thou art still Dweebs"

Verse Seven
"Dave!" they cried. "Hast thou forsaken us in our Dweebishness? Makers of profiles are we, and now shall we post our questions and queries." And post they did. Each and everyone began a new thread and posted thier question. "Now are we Pros? We have quested for knowledge by joining thine community and posted our questions." "Nay, " sayeth the voice, "Thou art truley Dweebs, for each of you posted the same question, Doest thou not know how to read? Thou skipped thine FAQs and Stickies !! Fools !!"

Verse Eight
Thus began the flaming. And the name calling. And the insulters did insult and the Flamers did flame. And back to the Forums did go the Dweebs. And post the same idea upon the pages of Wishlist did they. And they did receive the mighty Facepalm.

Verse Nine
So back to the yard went they, armed with the knowledge of the Great Forum. And arrainge thier yard did they with blocks of wood and stone. And arrainge thier towers in great bunches and surround these with boobytraps. And numerous upgrades they made and thy creation of many monsters. And then came the day that the Protection had lifted. But attack they did not.

Verse Ten
And saw they bizarre armored monsters whose mission in life is to throweth themselves under yon careening eighteen-wheeled leviathans, and sacred patches of earth whereupon the mythic steeds known as BYM yet abideth and yea even look upon the map room from time to time. But attack they did not.

Verse Eleven
And loggeth in they did only to see where thier wonderous bases had stood remained nothing but scortched ground, done so by thier neighbor. And thus begin the repairs. Many a truce was offered but none accepted and the pounding continued, but attack they still did not.

Verse Twelve
Finally the dweeb could taketh it no longer, so they massed an army with which to smiteth their enemies and driveth them from the yard. And lo, finally could the Dweebs seeeth the downcast faces of their vanquished foes, and cackleth directly upon their visage, and slammeth them in the forum and send them hateful messages in game. Driving thier hated neighbors into Damage Protection for many hours. "And NOW!" they shrieked. "FINALLY art we Pros! Scourges of the YARD are WE!" But they were saddened greatly when the voice of Dave rain down from on high and sweepeth them in a sandstorm of despair: "For all who play at Backyard Monsters shalt always be Dweebish. Dweebs wert thou born. Dweebs thou art. Dweebs shalt thou be. For thou that thinkest themselves a Pro, thou art the biggest Dweeb of all."

[APR]

The BOOK of DWEEB

The Dweebs of Exploit

In the Great tomb of Webster, the keeper of many words, the term "exploit" doth have many meanings and may be useth as a noun which be good or as a verb, which be very evil. Most noteable meaning being the first, and being so that first being a proper place to begin, here sayeth the tomb of Webster;

Verse One
Exploit -noun- 1. a notable deed or feat, especially one that is noble or heroic. Now all knoweth that Dweebs be not noble nor heroic, so this meaning hath no understanding to them. To say in normal speech or to useth the example, "the Exploits of Alexander the Great" and likewise to say "the Exploits of Dweebs" maketh no sence, and be that the Dweeb may think themselves great, they are not. So they passeth over the use of the word as a noun and moveth on to the next example.

Verse Two
Next on the list, in the Great tomb of Webster, the keeper of many words, comes forth several uses of the word as a verb, which is evil. And seeing as how Dweebs have black little hearts and are basically evil little trolls, this word has great meaning. Here sayeth the tomb of Webster;

Verse Three
Exploit -verb-
1. to utilize, espcially for profit; turn to practical account: as in to exploit a business opportunity.
2. to use selfishly for one's own ends: as in employers who exploit their workers.
and also meaneth the word;
3. to advance or further through exploitation; promote , which needeth no example for it be redundant to do so.

Verse Four
Easy to grasp to the Dweeb, be the evil verb. And they set about trying to find as many ways to useth it everyday. Several new classes of Dweebs began to rise up above the average dweebishness and became the super Dweebs that we see forth everyday.

Verse Five
First came the Auto-Refresher Dweebs. These cowardly Dweebs wanted to steal thy neighbor's hard earned resources without any chance of being attacked in return. Long did they labor upon this task, but seeing as how Dweebs are stupid and dull, thus began a long trek to the Holy World Wide Web in search of others smarter than they and returned they with evil Bots that did the thinking for them. Now safely behind the shelter of the Bot of Always Online, they enjoyeth the ability to attack with no fear of retribution. I shall tell you not the names of such Bots, for thier names are evil, and I should not unwillingly giveth ideas to Dweebs too stupid to think of thus themselves.

Verse Six
Then came forth the Dweebs of Multiple Accounts, who looked upon thier neighbor's yard with great lust, but dared not to attack them and loot thier silos. They went forth to the lands of Hotmail and made many clones of themselves. These clones soon became slaves on the Page of Facebook and opened new accounts. The Dweebs, were kind at first and tricked the clones with false friendships. The clones toiled hard to gather thine resources and then were smiten by the Dweebs with attacks and many resouces were looted, for the clones had no defences and the slaughter was great and often.

Verse Seven
Then came forth the most vile type of Dweeb, called the Ninja. The Ninja Dweeb beith too lazy to do other such things and too frightened to show thy faces. They lurked upon the map room watching for others to make an attack upon thine neighbors. Whence the attack hath begun against another, waited doest they for the first brave monsters to weaken the defences and make sure of this by using thine View. When the first wave of monsters sent there by others have defeated the mighty towers and other such defenses, they set forth with waves of the Bolt and the Fink, and also the Brain, and marched in upon the unguarded treasures that lay before them. Knocking down all manners of silos and gatherers till they standeth before the Mighty Town Hall, which stoodeth little chance against the evil hoard. Then march away, losing not one of thier numbers, with the spoils of the battle that they deserved not. And appear not do they in the attack log. Thus remaining anonymous in thier cowardly deeds.

Verse Eight
Other types of Exploit Dweebs there be also. Users of the rules to meet thier own ends are these. Users of the mighty Catapult, which in itself be not evil, but becomes evil in the manner which the Dweeb useth it. Attacking yon victim and launching the mighty twig and the mighty pebble, and then ending thy attack before even one monster is flung. Then returneth do they immediately to send forth another wave of twigs and pebbles until no towers do stand. Only then do they attack with the lesser monsters to loot unchallenged.

Verse Nine
Vile is the Dweeb. Cursed be thy name. They think thineselves superior and make loud boasts in the Great Forum about thier glorious bases and wonderous attacks. Easy to spot be they in thine maproom, with bases copied from the Great Forum with no imagination nor thought. Caring naught that they hath been spotted for arrogant are they. But take heart, faithful reader, soon shall they be vanquished by the Dave, maker of things shiny, whence the Great Update doth appear once more.

[APR]

The BOOK of DWEEB

The DWEEBS PRAYER and Random Sayings

Our Monster
Who aret in housing
Pokey be thy name
Thy upgrade come
Thy will be flung.
In yard as is in forum
Give us this day; our daily mushrooms
And forgive our Pokeybombs
As we forgive those who Pokeybomb us
Lead us not into booby traps
But deliver us from the laser
For thine is Map room, the academy, and the townhall for ever.
Amon(ster)

And the dweebs did rejoice at the book outlining there toil in the yard... :-) this is the good book of dweeb

O thet ye'd altogither hold yer peace! An' it sh'd be yer wisdom, dawgone it. Job 13:5 King James fer Rednecks

Methinks that they Book of Dweeb, and his artfully articulate procurers of additions, need to utilize their spell checkers & thesaurus' desperately!

The holy writ according to Dave (hallowed be his name), known in secular terms as the Terms Of Service, proclaims:

Though it be written in a strange tongue, it seemeth to diverge from your sage wisdom. I do not wish to seemeth overly brazen, for you are known to be wise and learned. I merely wish to learneth of the arcane ways of this endeavor.

Let he who is without resources cast the first pebble.

"The hypocryte should remove the goo from his own eyes, before removing the twig from his brother's"

All Hail APR Creater of The Book Of Dweeb.... and the Sage Coon... etc.... Dweebish i am and Dweebish i'll be. I bow to you O learned one APR!!! All Should Read and Learn from the Book Of Dweeb!!!!!!!!!!!!

OMG!!! (dropping face into hands) I really AM a dweeb!!! Is there a 12 step group for that? At least I hope no more wedgies or being locked into the locker in highschool anymore....

To quoteth the great Saint Peter of Griffinshire, "This thread beith freaking awesome."

And I wouldest readeth all of this thread excepting the thunderous ache of the head bestowed upon me by a pants virus, this thus maketh the eyes ache in their sockets. So it is that I shall checketh my yard perchance that my army is hatched, thus to pursue my final attack this night ,if my towers doth fire, before I go forth to rest and recuperate my person.

[APR]

The BOOK of DWEEB

The Epistle of Sir Michael of Coon

And there came to pass a wonderous time in the Land of Dweeb, where hence rose up from the Great Forum, a sage and seer of dweebish proportion, by the name of Sir Michael of Coon.

Verse One
Not to beith confused with the furry creatures of the woodland who weareth masks and washeth always thier food, is Sir Michael of Coon. Not always hath he be a sage of sorts, for it is a learned skill that no mere Dweeb can even fathom. Great was his knowledge of the Holy World Wide Web and things computer. Mainly residing in the Forum of the Wishlist, he posteth many an idea, and smite did he all those that opposed him.

Verse Two
Sayer of many things was he, and great was his humor and sarcasm. Let it be known that the prayer of BYM, seen above, was of all his making, and where he gathered such knowledge, I know not. Only a true Dweeb shall possess such knowledge and makes one wonder if he truely be a Dweeb or whether he just be a monster in Dweeb clothing.

Verse Three
As a jumper on the Great Bandwagon, joineth he in spreading the joyous news and prophecy of the Book of Dweeb, Lo, he trancendeth above and beyond to new heights. But alas, as mucheth as he wisheth to become the greatest of the Dweebs, he cannot, as the term Great Dweeb be an oxymoron, tho perhaps no Dweeb can comprehend such a thing as an oxymoron, even tho moron be a term they comprehend and understand well. So therefore the word oxymoron confuseth them greatly. And Lo, Oxy, to the Dweeb is something sold on the Evil Boobus Tubeus by the dearly departed, Billie of Mayes, the vanquished King of the Infomercial.

Verse Four
There came to pass a Forum Dweeb by the name of St. Gildward, writer of all things lengthy and liker of pie. He did achieve his sainthood by relentlessly reading every thread of the Great Forum, taking time to record it's contents and number it's suggestions, which while that feat in itself be not entirely dweebish, it does send forth visions of one lacking of sleep and of a life. Proof of this may be found hidden in his signature for those who wish to looketh. But thou being Dweebs surely shall not look at these great works and shall continue to aggravate poor St. Gildward by repeated suggesting such things. But St. Gildward's story, here I shall not tell, for it is an epistle in itself. There may beith others in the Forum that have achieved greatness and are looked upon with wonder, as Sir Michael hath surely pointed out.
Of the St. Gildward he claimeth;

"And it came to pass that St. Gilldward spoke upon the mases saying onto them that would question his wisdom "Oh ye of little humor; give up thy ways of criticiczem and complaint today. For the day of reckoning is upon ye, and the Lord Dave shall visitieth upon the with Towers of laser and fire of the Tesla, and pebbles and twigs may rain down from the heavens causing death and duistruction on thine yard and all monsters to be cast out leaving only the rubble of all thine buildings knocked over in dispair. Abandon hope of shiney, all ye who post hear and have aguish and criticizem in their hearts. For yours are not the ways of the Dave, but of the Zenga and thou shal be cast out and there will be much sorow on your yards.

so it is writen"

Verse Five
Where it actually be written, I knoweth not, and I did transcribe this quote just as I found it, leaving in all the obvious errors of spelling as a sign of it's authenticity. For only I have the power to edit this thread, which often I do as my spelling is no better. Perhaps there be other works of the Dweeb that are yet to be discovered. There be rumors of some Dead Dweeb scrolls that be buried in yon desert, But seen these, I have not. Maybe Sir Micheal be the keeper of them. Perhaps he will share this knowledge, if he seeith fit, and be not too offended that I write of him in such a manner.

Verse Six
No one beith safe from the writings of the Book of Dweeb, and if thou be easily offended, readeth not any further. Thou hast been warned. For deep in the woods live I and spare time, of this I have much. Long be the times between building of monsters to smite my nieghbor's yards, and something I must do to fill the awful void.

[APR]

The BOOK of DWEEB

The Sayings of Coon

And it came to pass that there was much warring and fighting amongst the tribes of backyard. And Dave looked down upon them min despair. For the lord Dave wanted for all those in the back yard to live and build in peace and harmony and under the wisdom of his servant St.Gildward who was the Lords servant, and delivered unto the monsters much wisdom and knowlage. For all those who questioned and doubted his word St. Gilward did bring the sword of his wrath, and let loose the fire of his laser upon those blasphemers who would oppose him, and those who had anger and spitefulness in there hearts did feel the sting of his Tesla's flame!

So the lord Dave did send his minions out into the forum to spread the word of his good works, and one of his minions was called APR, and APR delivered unto the back yard the word of Dave, and he spoke saying “These are the commandments of thy Lord Dave. The very same Lord as the lord of the great elder warrior Jangooon from which all forum threads have descended. and he spoke to the masses saying These are the comandments that thy lord Dave has delivered unto the, and ignore them at thine own perril, for those who do not heed the word of the lord shall see his wrath upon their yards, and the hellfire of his laser shall smite them, and the bolts of fury from his Tesla shall reduce them to dust, and leave there yards in ruin. and so the lord Dave doth comandeth the so:

The Temptation of APR
And it came to pass that the demon "Blizzard" came to the Deciple APR, and tempted him saying just buy this boxed game and worship me, and all the treasures of the back yard can be at your fingertips, and all the monsters will bow to you, and shiny shal flow from the hevens an fill thine silos. For Thy lord Dave cares not for the, but uses the as a tool, and impliment as the yard master uses the juicer, but cares not for it's welfare. Thy lord has fosaken the! Abandon his right hand, and join with me and though will sit at the head of all tables, and enjoy the fruit that will make your power wequal to the Dave.

"So may all your enemies perish, but may they who help you be like the shiny when it rises from the mushrooms in its strength." The Catapult is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? the Laser is the strength of my yard; of whom shall I be afraid? Blessed be the LORD my strength which teacheth my hands to build towers, and a flinger, and my monsters to fight: My goodness, and my Backyard; my high towers, and my flinger; my walls of wood and stone, and he in whom I trust; who subdueth my monsters under me.
From whence come wars and fightings among you? come they not hence, even of your lusts that war in your members? And when ye shall hear of wars and rumours of wars, be ye not troubled: for such things must needs be; but the end shall not be yet. But when ye shall hear of wars and commotions, be not terrified: for these things must first come to pass; but the end is not by and by.

Origional bible verses:
Judges 5:31
"So may all your enemies perish, O LORD! But may they who love you be like the sun when it rises in its strength."
Psalm 27:1
The LORD is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? the LORD is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?
Psalm 144
1 Blessed be the LORD my strength which teacheth my hands to war, and my fingers to fight:
2 My goodness, and my fortress; my high tower, and my deliverer; my shield, and he in whom I trust; who subdueth my people under me.
James 4:1 1 From whence come wars and fightings among you? come they not hence, even of your lusts that war in your members?
7 Mark 13:7 And when ye shall hear of wars and rumours of wars, be ye not troubled: for such things must needs be; but the end shall not be yet.
Luke 21:9 9 But when ye shall hear of wars and commotions, be not terrified: for these things must first come to pass; but the end is not by and by.

For those who walk in the darkness of the evil one bay not see the light of the lord even though his Eye-ras be open he is blind, and though his Brains bee in good health physicaly yet he can not Fink clearly, and the unwashed masses bay become covered in Ichi Octoooze and desire to Pangaea his wounds, and I tell you the truth now. If you do this then the Banditos may run away with thine Shiny and Fury of D.A.V.E. be upon you and though Bolts of the dreded Tesla may strike you, yet still he may sink his Fangs into your flesh and cause Crabitrons to infest your body with such fury that ye may be taken to the dungeon of the Dammned where ye be turned over to the Project-X-files

[APR]

The BOOK of DWEEB

The History of the Dweeb

Seeketh now do we to discover all thy things dweebish and finder of great truths in the secret lives of the Dweeb. For many a Dweeb be not what he seems. For the Holy World Wide Web dost give Dweebs great abilities that in thier real lives they have not. But to truly understand such things, we must go back to the beginning once more. Did thinkist thou that the Dweebs that inhabit the Great Forum be the only ones ?? Heavens no !! Read on an ye shall see.

Verse One
In the beginning when thy internet was formless and had no connection. Dweebs did gather in smallish groups, in the backs of empty classrooms and in other Dweebs sleeping quarters, and in musty basements. And here did they roll dice and consult books and write down many things on paper. And they called this role playing. And many a Dweeb imagined themselves things they beith not and spoke in strange tounges of hit points and damage and armor classes. And there were dwarves, and elves, and mystical beasts. And it was called Dungeons and Dragons. And the Dweebs played through the night and spoke of it always. And they were shunned by thier peers, who calleth them nerds.

Verse Two
Then one day did appear a great ark in the Hall of the Arcade. Wonderful to behold it was. And when a special coin was inserted into the ark, the top of the ark would gloweth green. A small white dot did then appear, which would travel to and fro. And on each side there be handles, which when grasped did move a magical paddle which guideth the dot. And thus was born Pong.

Verse Three
No Dweeb dare step foot into the Hall of the Arcade, for already it be inhabited with other mean creatures, like the Jock and thier pom pom wielding wenches, and other such types of long haired, leather wearing brutes that drove loud beasts and were drinkers of elixers and smokers of the weeds. The creatures liketh not the Dweeb and taunted them and taketh thier lunch money and gave them the dreaded wedgies. But great was the power of the ark, and the Dweebs could not resist it. So venture into the Hall of the Arcade didest they. For the pleasure of the ark was worth any amount of suffering they must endure.

Verse Four
And flock to the Halls of the Arcade did they. And the Dweebs placed all of thier coins into the ark in hopes that they be granted the honor of inscribing three letters into the highest of scores. Many did use thier initals so other Dweebs would recognize them and see thier greatness, but also did they inscribe letters like ASS and GOD, for they thought themselves witty in true dweebish fashion. And the ark was joined by others with names such as Asteroids and Galaxian, and also of Space Invaders. And it was good.

Verse Five
Soon gave way these arks to smaller arks with names such as Atari and Sega, and also of Genesis. And Dweebs did lose many of a night of sleep, trying to master the ways of the Sonic, and the Zelda, and also of the Brothers of Mario. And these arks did give way to other arks with names such as Commadore 64 and TRS-80 and IBM and also of Apple. Each faster and better than the next. And worship these arks did the Dweebs. Learning the languages of BASIC and DOS and other such tounges. But bore you not will I with thine details, for these tales beist known.

Verse Six
Then came forth a mighty demon named Bill Gateszelbub and he wielded the mightiest of weapons called the Windows. And he cast a great plague all across the land. And it was called the Internet. And the Dweebs fell on thier faces and did worship the demon. For now the Dweebs no longer had to leaveth the safety of thier homes and many became hermits. For no longer didest the Dweeb hath to gather in person. To chatrooms did they go and type in strange languages that others could not discern did they. Giving each other LOLs and LMAOs, and the greatest of tribute the ROFLMAOoooos. And they spoke with emotocons and many a : ) and ;0) and >: ( and other such strange inscriptions could be seen.

Verse Seven
And then as in the earliest of days, the Dweebs imagined they were things that they were not. Any Dweeb could beist six foot tall and 200 pounds and drive Corvettes. Also could they beith tall and willowy with long legs and blond hair. And thus was born the profile. And journey to the Holy World Wide Web didist they go and gather images of body builders and of swimsuit models to pass off as thier own selves. And in the words of the great minstrel Brad Paisley, "they were so much cooler on line". And it beith a happy time for the Dweeb.

Verse Eight
And so on life went for the Dweeb. Into other games went the Dweeb. Online communities called forums that worshipped gaming activities began to form. Now the Dweebs could be great warriors and dazzle others with thine own mad skillz. And taunt each other and curse each others names and make threats of bodily harm, whist all the time barely having thy strength to open thine Dr. Pepper or the bag of thine chips.

Verse Nine
So there you it be, faithful reader. Now knowest not that BYM be the only home of the Dweeb on the Holy World Wide Web. And BEWARE you the dweeb, for knowest not thier true identity. For they may workest at the desk beside you and may be urinating in thouest coffee when thou be not looking